Understandable Analyst Buy and Sell Calls

I saw a tweet today from @Stephanie_Link that Standpoint had downgraded Amazon $AMZN from Sell to Strong Sell.  Now, really what does that mean? All you can do is sell a stock, you can’t strongly sell it.  It’s meaningless. 

It reminds of the scene in A Few Good Men where the Demi Moore character “strenuously” objects to a statement from a witness, and gets ridiculed for it.  As if strenuously objecting is more important than any other kind of objection. 

So, I came up with my own sell ratings that are easy to understand, and actionable.

Buys

Buy 1 – Buy this stock, when it looks like it’s a good price, maybe on a pullback.

Buy 2 – Buy it now.

Buy 3 – Buy it on margin, now

Buy 4 – Mortgage your house to buy it

Sells

Sell 1 – Sell the stock on an up day

Sell 2 – Sell all that you have, now

Sell 3 – Sell all that you have, and short more, up to your limit

Sell 4 – Mortgage your house to short the stock, and buy out of the money puts

See, understandable, actionable recommendations.  Now, you won’t see me actually make any of these calls, because I am not an analyst.  And no one in their right mind should take action on Sell or Buy 4. 

And I don’t own any Amazon, and nothing here is a recommendation to buy or sell stock.